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In Shanghai, Seeking Ramadan

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Stepping into the mosque, I am greeted with a familiar “Assalamualaikum” and a smile – but that’s where our conversation ends. We try to let our smile linger for an awkward moment as I search for words in Chinese and she thinks of something to say.

She perks up again and asks, “Salat?”

It’s the Arabic word for prayer – and we’re beaming from ear to ear again, happy to have found another concept we both understand and a little proud that we had found a way to cheat the language barrier. Nodding, I stand next to her as the call for prayer begins.

The one thing I have always loved about religion is that no matter where you go, you can almost certainly find a community of Christians, Jews, Hindus, Sikhs – whatever your religion – that you can be a part of. This is something that is a complete blessing as a TCK.

Having grown up in India, United Arab Emirates, and Turkey – countries where there is immense awareness about Islam – my most unique experience as a TCK Muslim was when I was studying abroad in Shanghai. Fall semester junior year, I found myself in China with a group of about 100 other eager students, none of which were Muslim.

At that time, Ramadan was coming to an end. It’s a month in which Muslims around the world observe fasts from dawn to dusk in an effort to renew and strengthen their spirituality and sense of community. I had no clue which day Eid-Ul-Fitr, an end-of-Ramadan celebration marked by a large morning congregational prayer, was to be celebrated as it was based on the sighting of the moon and I had no one to ask.

I did my own calculations as to when the new moon was likely to show up in China and arrived at the mosque early in the morning armed with the translation of “Ramadan” and “Eid” in Mandarin on a tiny piece of paper. I found the mosque empty.

I finally cornered someone, but it was obvious that they had no idea what I was saying. Through some pretty creative sign language, I eventually deciphered that Eid had already passed the day before. Thus, my first Eid in China ended up being a complete fail.

The Muslim calendar has two big celebrations – Eid-ul-fitr, which marks the end of Ramadan, and Eid-ul-Adha which honors the willingness of Prophet Ibrahim to sacrifice his child and marks the end of the pilgrimage of Hajj. I happened to be in China for Eid-Ul-Adha as well, and this time I made sure I knew my dates. I found a halal restaurant in my neighborhood and figured out which day they expected Eid and this time I showed up on the right day and the right time.

The experience was euphoric. I was shown up to the women’s section that looked down upon the men’s area – a sea of white head caps traditionally worn for prayer. The other women were clearly talking about me and whenever I caught their eye they smiled and nodded, which I understood as a universal sign of “Welcome!” The sermon was in Chinese interspersed with mentions of “Muhammad” and “Allah,” the only words I understood.

But the prayer was in Arabic.

The best part of being a Muslim is that no matter which part of the world you go to, everyone prays in the same fashion and in Arabic. As cliché as this sounds, in that one moment of prostration, I connected with everyone around me and all other barriers disappeared as we melded into one big community.

After the prayer it was as if I had found a lost family. We didn’t feel like strangers anymore as everyone hugged and greeted each other. Some of the elderly gave out dried fruits and nuts from a little plastic bag and, seeing that I was clearly not Chinese, made sure to give me a few more than the others. Stepping out of the mosque, I came across other Indian faces who took the opportunity to say “Eid Mubarak” – a common greeting for Eid in parts of South Asia.

A bazaar had popped up in the streets outside the mosque where Chinese Muslims – mainly from the northwestern provinces of China – were selling their food and wares. The air was filled with aromas of different kababs and breads when the most curious thing happened: I started hearing bits and pieces of Turkish, recognizing the sounds from my years in Turkey. After an eager scan to see if I could make out Turkish looking faces, I realized that the Turkish sounding words were coming from the Chinese vendors. Some of the vendors present were speaking what was probably Uzbek, Kazakh, or Uyghur, languages which were in many ways similar to Turkish.

As a TCK, you only really need one aspect of familiarity to connect with someone, and that day I had found many: in being Muslim, in being Indian, in knowing Turkish. And there I was, an Indian Muslim speaking Turkish with a Chinese street vendor while celebrating Eid in the streets of Shanghai – a true TCK experience.

Photo courtesy of Neeha Mujeeb.

What’s it like to date a Third Culture Kid?

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This may surprise you, but here at DenizenMag.com, we actually get emails from TCK significant others from time to time, asking for advice on how to date a TCK. Like the this one I received earlier this summer:

“I recently started dating a girl who is a self described ‘Air Force brat.’ I’ve traveled a bit myself, but I really can’t connect with her on it because she grew up doing it and I did it as a passion in later life. Any advice on how to connect with her or maybe some tips on things I should look for?”

At first, I thought some of Denizen’s writers should cobble together a response. But then I realized, what the heck do we know about dating ourselves? So, we reached out via a survey on our Facebook page, asking TCKs to get their significant others to weigh in and help give some advice. So… what’s it like dating a TCK? And, what advice would you give to other TCK significant others?

We were impressed by the diversity of responses. These significant others met their TCK online, in Mandarin class, in South Africa, in boarding school. They live in Macedonia, Ghana, Brazil, Canada, South Africa and Washington State. They are married, dating, or have dated a TCK.

Here are their answers.

 

What’s it like dating someone who considers many different places “home”?

“Being with a Third Culture Kid is an eye-opening experience. …You get a chance to speak different languages, eat different food, and practice different ways of living. It puts one’s own existence in perspective as one of a diverse, global community. It’s also great because everyone always thinks my wife is so cool because she’s been everywhere, and that makes me cool by association.” – David Negron, United States, married to a TCK

“It’s exciting. You know that no matter where you may live in the future, it won’t be as difficult for him to adjust because he has had to adjust most his life.” – Autumn Cline, 21, Virginia

“Intimidating, in a way. I’ve only lived in two places, both in the USA and both in fairly similar climates. Sometimes I feel a bit underachieving for not having been to as many different countries as my partner has lived in. I can also feel a bit separated from her as well, as she has all these cultural references that I don’t, and visa versa.” – Jackie Lucas, 25, Washington state, married to a TCK

“The emphasis of experiencing a new place together will be more important to him than material gifts. This is a good thing! ‘Home’ will always be where I am and not an actual location related to his past.” – Anonymous, 25, Macedonia, married to a TCK

“You come to understand that there is much about their life you will never understand. Their stories of life growing up will usually one-up you and your life may seem dull in comparison. But over time, you appreciate the differences of experience that created this person you are attracted to and shaped them into the person that they are. …I love TCKs. My TCK and I just moved our family abroad and we have two TCKs of our own. I am the only non TCK in a family of TCKs.” – Anonymous, 39, married to a TCK for 15 years.

“Rema doesn’t consider any location ‘home.’ It makes for a difficult answer to the question, “So, where is Rema from?” To combat that, we worked together to make-up a short (read: false) response to combat the 7 minutes that are inevitably required for a more accurate answer. We’re consistent in using that shorter answer until we know that the other side is actually interested or ready for the full story.” – Scott Oxandaboure, 31, San Diego, California, married to a TCK

 

What’s the best part about dating a Third Culture Kid?

“The exposure to things I probably never would’ve tried on my own.” – Anonymous, 29, Ghana, married to a TCK

“The opportunity to learn about other cultures. Cooking at home becomes an adventure in international cuisine, as she misses dishes from so many places. I find she is always tuned into what’s going on in other places in the world, and not just in Brazil – and I find myself following suit. It also allows me to share her much more liberal and culturally diverse views on world events and even on day-to-day situations.” – Anonymous, 32, Brazil

“I feel very confident traveling with him and am proud of his knowledge of world events. His worldview is sexy. …He also helps me push my limits – snorkeling, safari, and more travel. This has given me the life I only dreamed of.” – Mel, USA, married to a TCK for 2 years

“The compassion and awareness of other people and other experiences was amazing. She constantly surprised me with her knowledge and passion for those around her.” – Darrell Ullriksen, 31, Canada

“She’s incredibly open to new experiences and doesn’t really have the same boundary issues that non-TCKs tend to have. She also doesn’t view traveling to other countries as a major event that must be obsessed over, excessively prepared for, and worried about; we just go where we want to go when/if we are able to. There’s no real psychological build-up or anxiety about travel and that’s very refreshing.” – Christopher Bell, 32, Florida, dating a TCK

“They are free spirited. They have an abundant supply of adventure, help get out of one’s comfort zone and expand it.” – Anonymous, 32, South Africa, dated a TCK

“The new experiences he gives you. The new friends you make on your adventures together; their ‘family’ all over the world who will be willing to help you when you are in their neck of the woods; the home you will set up together will contain tablecloths, serving plates, etc. from all over the world. And lastly… that you, and only you will ever be ‘home’ to him!” – Anonymous, 25, Macedonia, married to a TCK

 

What’s the worst part about dating a Third Culture Kid?

“It’s difficult because she doesn’t feel ‘home’ anywhere, and at the same time identifies ‘home’ as several places; so much so, that she always says she feels most at ‘home’ in an airport. That leads to her feeling homesick often, and not quite sure where this place she is longing for actually is, and has difficulty adapting in places that have less cultural diversity. I’ve also discovered that one’s sense of humor is also cultural – things I find funny often cause her to stare at me blankly, not quite sure there was a joke at all.” – Anonymous, 32, Brazil.

“Immigration paperwork. It’s expensive, laborious, and requires a level of organization found only in The Container Store.” – David Negron, United States, married to a TCK.

“It’s the time difference and geographical distance. We met at a boarding school in my hometown, but now that it’s summer, she’s all over the place. Skype is incredibly helpful, but often the time difference is 6, 10, 12 hours, and it can be really hard to line up our schedules enough to talk for very long. And video chat is great, but I miss hugging her, sitting next to her, kissing her on the nose, fixing her hair. I miss those.” – Peter Moon, 18, Lakeville, Connecticut, dating a TCK

“The miscommunications that happen when one plus one equals two entirely different things depending upon where you come from. By and large, the only times we ever really fight is when one of us says something that means something else entirely than what the other has been brought up to think it does.” – Jackie Lucas, 25, Washington State, married to a TCK

“She very often didn’t feel content and settled doing ‘normal things.’ Plus, she didn’t understand my cultural references (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing… it made me look more clever because she didn’t realise I was just quoting Alf).” – Darrell Ulriksen, 31, Canada

“She can be occasionally arrogant about her past and can’t entirely understand people who didn’t have her upbringing. At its worst, she sometimes looks down on those who have had a more parochial upbringing, and the prospect of living in one place for very long, especially if it’s a small town, can fill her with anxiety.” – Christopher Bell, 32, Florida, dating a TCK

“It’s difficult to understand each other. One wants to be in a different place all the time and you end up feeling like they want to be without you. …Because when they say ‘I want to live in Canada,’ you are not included in those plans/words.” – Anonymous, 32, South Africa, dated a TCK

 

What advice would you give to someone who is dating a Third Culture Kid?

“Realize early that you will never be able to understand the way the other grew up. Swap stories, learn from each other, learn the art of compromise because your entire relationship will depend on it. Understand that “home” to them depends on people, not places. And make sure to always have a bag packed.” – Chelsea Poole, 22, North Carolina, dating a TCK (See her blog post on “When an FCK Falls in Love with a TCK.“)

“You just have to both try to communicate well, trust each other a little, and give things a chance. Strive to get a little free time to talk, to explain what you’re going through in another different way, etc. Keep communicating honestly and openly.” – Peter Moon, 18, Lakeville, Connecticut, dating a TCK

“Be patient – especially with the homesickness crises – and take the opportunity to learn more about the places she’s lived and cultures she understands. You’ll gain an interesting and wider perspective on the world and as a result will have a better and closer relationship with her.” – Anonymous, 32, Brazil,

“Listen and learn from the TCK. Also, gently challenge the TCK on their limited perspective as well. Often TCKs have a negative perspective of people who haven’t traveled and experienced as much. Help them develop an understanding that a limited perspective isn’t necessarily ignorance, but is the result of a different life. People without so much travel and world experience can’t be expected to see the world the same way a TCK does – and that person isn’t necessarily wrong – the perspective is just different.” – Anonymous, 39, married to a TCK for 15 years

“I’d say two things:

1. Be steadfast in your willingness to be a stable part of a TCK’s life. In my experience, TCKs see so many people come and go that it comes to be expected that you’ll one day be gone. They need reassurance – once you’re ready for this type of commitment – that you aren’t looking to be a short timer.

2. Don’t buy too much crap. It just means more to move when their mental egg timer goes off… ‘So, it’s been 2 years… what’s next?!'” – Scott Oxandaboure, 31, San Diego, California, married to a TCK

Homepage image courtesy of Photosightfaces

TCK for teens: Diving Into Local Culture

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The bright Italian sunshine bounced off a jagged piece of metal, catching my eye. My feet pounded on the warm concrete as I ran to investigate. I squatted down and shielded my eyes to get a better look. Victory. Another beer bottle cap, bringing my total to twenty-two and also putting me in the lead against my brother.

Call me crazy, but somehow, when I pictured living in Florence, Italy, scrounging for beer bottle caps on a large slab of concrete before the Pitti Palace did not come to mind. But here I was, in my first week living in the great Renaissance city, doing exactly that. My mom sat close by, reading a book, probably trying to cram a few more Italian words into her head.

“Courtney, look! Birra Moretti!” My brother shoved a yellow cap in my face, featuring a green-suited man looking suspicious and strange. Maybe he too was sentenced to finding beer bottle caps in the heat of the day.

We laughed about his funny name and kept looking. When the sun began to sink and the air was laced with an autumnal chill, our mom finally got up and called us. We followed her like ducklings through the narrow cobble-stone streets of the ancient city.

When my parents first told us we might move to Italy, I wanted to go. Even though I had lived in Austin, Texas my whole ten years of life, adventure pulsed in my veins. I was ready to board that plane to a completely different life.

Our first year in Florence was certainly a change from life in Austin, but most of it was spent in our sunny, yellow house homeschooling. Every day was the same. My brother and I worked on school, then language tutoring, then we would trudge to the local library, or biblioteca, in the chill of evening so my mom could check her email, our one link to our old life.

Our slow integration into the Italian culture was perfect for the fall, but after Christmas, life seemed to drag a little. I began to wonder, what next? What’s going to happen for the next four years while we’re here? I missed the interaction that school and sports had provided me back home.

Not being plugged in to the local culture greatly hindered my knowledge of the language and prevented “real” life from happening. Though getting involved in activities in a new country may seem daunting, it is crucial to being able to best enjoy and profit from your time overseas. To each his own level of cultural immersion, but I would encourage you to venture out of your comfort zone. There are countless ways to live with the locals instead of just in their country, but I think three of the easiest ones are through school, sports, and neighborhoods. Allow me to explain…

School: Going Local
After a year of homeschooling, I made the decision to attend an Italian middle school. I remember the first day so clearly. I woke up extra early and put on my clothes that I had so carefully chosen the night before. After a quick breakfast, my dad and I walked to the town center to catch the bus. As my bus stop came closer and closer, my stomach started to ache.

Once we arrived at my new school, I slowly walked up the steps, tears clouding my eyes as I was separated from my dad. I was guided to my new classroom where everyone was already seated. I hurriedly took the last seat and tried my best to avoid all eye contact. The first day was a marathon; six hours of only understanding the occasional word. But I made it through.

The next two years would be long and exhausting, but also incredibly rewarding. Though my teachers were often challenging, my classmates were kind to me and quickly became real friends. People say that after hearing a language for a certain amount of time, it just “clicks” in your head. Though I didn’t see how this could work, it happened. After a year in Italian school, everything made sense. I could understand and speak in return. It has been said that by learning the language you learn the culture and I found this to be true. By the end of my two year adventure in the local schooling system, I could speak with ease and felt comfortable in the culture.

Though I returned to homeschooling for our remaining two years in Italy, I am so grateful for my time in the local Italian school system. Yes, international schools and homeschooling are worthy, excellent options, but I would challenge you to try going local. Even if one semester is all you can handle, do it! You may never again have the opportunity to fully immerse yourself in another culture in this way.

Sports: A Fun Way To Meet New Friends
Getting involved in a local sport or an activity that you enjoy is a less stressful, but equally beneficial, method of making friends and learning cultural customs. My younger brother, Davis, started playing basketball as soon as we arrived and continued to play all five years. He said it forced him to interact with the Italian culture and gave him the opportunity of making new friends with a common interest.

Not only was it helpful to him, but it also allowed my parents to create friendships with other parents. From the countless tournaments scattered throughout Tuscany to team dinners, our family gained invaluable insight into the crazy, chaotic, loving culture of our adopted Italia.

Following my brother’s lead, I joined a tennis club and took weekly lessons for the last three years of our time there. In contrast to my teachers at school, my coaches made sure I could understand them and were always friendly. The courts were nestled in the sloping, green hills of our village Fiesole and it quickly became my happy place, an escape from the rest of life. It was the perfect low-stress way to continue to interact with Italians even after I stopped attending the local school.

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Neighborhood: Meet The Community Next Door
If you’re really not into this whole cultural immersion thing, then at least promise me that you’ll knock on your neighbor’s door. At least once. From American cities to Italian villages, everyone has neighbors. Bring your favorite treat from home and learn a few lines of the local language to introduce yourself. They won’t bite.

Within a few months of living in our new house, we got to know a family that lived near us. They had three daughters close to my age and the sweetest dog you’ll ever meet. We hosted a Christmas party that year and invited them and some of their friends from school. Though we could barely understand each other, we enjoyed playing hide and seek and munching on delicious snacks from both cultures.

Five years later, those same friends that I had met so long ago took me out for pizza and gelato in Campo di Marte to say goodbye. As we laughed and talked, I was flooded with a deep gratefulness for the Italian culture and my dear Italian friends. It was rough at times; there were times where I wanted to give up, but thank goodness I was determined to connect with the culture and not just live in it. If I hadn’t, I probably would’ve had quite an impressive collection of beer bottle caps.

Moving requires so much of you and sometimes it feels easier to hide from your new culture and world. But you’ll soon find that hiding from your new life will only keep it from happening – embrace your new culture with its challenges and difficulties and soon you will find its beauty.

Photos courtesy of Courtney Runn

We’re TCKs and We Work On A Travel Startup

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Krissa Curran has one really clear memory from a business class she took with DJ Singh in high school.

“We were doing a chapter on entrepreneurship, and I remember saying, ‘God, I would never do a startup, it just sounds like there is so much risk and no stability!'” Krissa said. “But here I am doing one.”

Krissa and DJ met nearly 10 years ago at high school in Hong Kong, and today, these best friends are chasing their dreams by working together on FOF Travel, a startup co-founded by Krissa and Mark Strickland.

“Life just kind of takes you wherever it wants to,” Krissa said. “When an idea like this falls into your head and you really really believe in it, you’ll do whatever it takes to get it to life because you believe in it so much.”

Both Krissa and DJ attribute FOF Travel to their TCK upbringing. Krissa, who is FOF Travel’s CEO, was born in San Francisco to Filipino and Scottish parents, and has lived in The Philippines, Singapore, Hong Kong and the UK. DJ, who is the Head of Marketing, was born in Singapore and has lived in New Zealand, Brunei, Hong Kong, Australia and the UK. FOF Travel launched last year and is an online marketplace and social network that allows friends, and friends of friends, to exchange travel services like accommodation, storage facilities, travel tips and advice for free.

What made you want to start FOF Travel?

Krissa: DJ and I met in Hong Kong at international school, and once we graduated, we moved to different sides of the world. I went to London, he went to Australia, and all of our friends spread out. Every time we met in Hong Kong, we saw what a great bond Third Culture Kids share.

TCKs just get one another, and we wanted to find a way to work together and share this TCK experience with other people. The best thing about being a TCK is having this international network. How can we share this lifestyle? How can we enable people to latch onto these international networks, so that they can travel like a Third Culture Kid?

DJ: Krissa and I have been thinking of some way to work together for a long time, and we always wanted to do something with TCKness. When I heard this idea, I was like, “Well of course!”

What makes FOF Travel different from other sites like Airbnb or Couchsurfing?

Krissa: Airbnb, Couchsurfing, we are all in the travel community sharing space. The key product offering difference is that with Couchsurfing and they might be free and public, but they do have a safety issues because you are opening your door to anyone and everyone. And with Airbnb, it’s safe but it’s not free. With FOF travel, we’re trying to say to users that it is safe, and it is for free.

Have you always wanted to work for a startup?

Krissa: I knew from a young age that I wanted to be in advertising and marketing because I like telling stories, and for me it was about communicating well and getting a message out there. Before FOF, I was an account manager at a digital agency in London, working on online marketing and advertising for 2 years. Because it was online, it was advertising on speed. You were putting in a lot of hours for the firm, which was a small boutique started up by my boss. We were putting in extra time to make his dreams come true, and I thought, If I spent this much time on something I actually believed in, I might actually get somewhere.

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DJ, Krissa, and Mark

What’s the hardest part about working on a startup?

DJ: The first year, because I was working in Melbourne and Krissa and Mark were in London and I was literally on the other side of the world. The time difference was impossible and one of the hardest parts for me.

Krissa: The work-life balance. It might be easier to have a work-life balance when you’re an employee of someone else. You can clock off at 6 and do whatever you want. But when you’re working at your own company, especially one with your best friend, your brain is constantly ticking.

DJ: I have to keep reminding Krissa to each lunch! [laughs]

What about the best part?

Krissa: The freedom. There is a freedom you get when you’re doing your own thing. I might be putting in way more hours than any job before but it doesn’t feel like work. And it doesn’t feel like anything is a waste of time. You learn so much as an entrepreneur and as a startup founder – I’ve never felt my brain so alive in my life

DJ: The best part is working to my own schedule. I set my own hours and I’m motivated to do stuff I’m passionate about, because I’m growing something that’s mine.

What’s a typical day like?

DJ: A typical day at a startup? [laughs] I don’t know…

Krissa: I think a day to day schedule is a bit hard to say but we definitely have seasons where we spend 2-4 weeks in planning mode, and then all the campaigns go live – then it’s in cruise mode. Then it’s back to planning mode – definitely keeps you on your toes.

DJ: It’s experimental. We experiment to see what’s working and what’s not, we get feedback on what people need or want, and we tailor our work according those objectives.

How has being a Third Culture Kid helped your career?

Krissa: Our TCK background has enabled us to build out a startup and manage our own lives and future. For me, being a TCK means you’re forced to be exposed to different people, places and culture at a young age, and you’re more tolerant and easygoing at an early age. At networking events, common feedback we get is that we seem very approachable.

How has being a Third Culture Kid hurt your career?

DJ: It’s meant that I’ve never really been settled on one thing – it gives you itchy feet being a TCK. You’re always looking for something new after about 5 years, and that can be damaging if you’re looking for a long term career.

Krissa: Do you know how painful it is setting up a travel company, where you’re sitting in an office trying to make it happen while you’re encouraging people to do otherwise? At work we constantly look at travel pictures, travel websites, travel blogs…

At FOF Travel, are you looking to hire Third Culture Kids?

DJ: We’re looking to hire in the next year, and when we do, being a TCK will be a big plus point on a CV. We’re drafting up mock job descriptions, and one of the requirements is that you must have a love of travel, and with TCKs that’s pretty much inevitable.

What advice would you give to a Third Culture Kid who wants to start their own company?

DJ: Planning is very important, but it shouldn’t dictate what you do. If there’s one thing I’ve learned – plans can change from day to day. All of the plans I had a year ago are just completely different now – so while plans are important, you should make sure you are also flexible.

Krissa: Follow your bliss. If you just stay true to yourself and believe in an idea or a passion or a skill, just trust that you’re on the right path. As long as you believe in it and have a passion for it – passion will drive you forward.

Also for TCKs, just take a step back and realize how fortunate and lucky you are because you’ve grown up with a enormous amount of exposure to the world, and gives you an advantage over everybody – so this is your chance to do something with that.

Aliens in Hollywood

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“Must have unrestricted work authorization to work in the United States.”

These are the 11 non-negotiable words tucked away at the bottom of a job posting that form the single biggest hurdle for a non-U.S. citizen to land that first job in Hollywood. Every month I field two or three emails from aspiring internationals from all walks of life hoping to find a way over this barrier.

Most of them are referred to me by mutual friends who know me as “the international student who got a Hollywood job and a work visa,” and often I am asked, with much angst, “How do you negotiate the non-negotiable?”

The Hollywood System

To understand why it is arguably more difficult for a non-resident to break into Hollywood than into a more common occupation (Computer Programmer, Engineer or Banker), you need to understand the following things about Hollywood:

Hollywood doesn’t need you. Beyond specific global experience, foreign finance or language-oriented roles, Hollywood is not actively recruiting for internationals. It is an industry that even Americans find hard to break into. So you must accept that you are a non-American starting out in a very American industry, who needs to prove that they can excel in said industry over and above an average American so that a company can justify paying the extra fees and legal paperwork to make you an employee.

There is no visa for freelancing. While many aspiring producers, writers, directors and actors start off with the age-old practice of freelancing until they get a big break, internationals typically don’t have that luxury, as company-sponsored employment is required obtain the most basic work visas.

Desk experience required. You can’t be somebody without first paying your dues as a Hollywood Assistant. Most creative or programming executive jobs require experience “on a desk,” which is to say you need to have been a Hollywood Assistant before you get to any other title or position. Executives and top producers, writers, and directors typically take on a Hollywood assistant for a short term, with the view of rewarding them with an internal promotion or sending on a strong recommendation to be promoted elsewhere. But, there’s a Catch-22…

Hollywood Assistants don’t qualify for work visas. Hollywood assistants are categorized as “secretaries.” Secretarial jobs in California are reserved for U.S. residents and do not qualify for work visa sponsorship applications. In order to apply for a work visa, you must legally hold a non-secretarial title and be paid the average wage for that position.

So, assuming you start off as an international student, it all becomes a race against time. The goal is to get employed by a company while you still have time to legally work without a work visa, either while you are still on a Student Visa (F-1) or on a Practical Training Visa (CPT or OPT) that’s granted to recent degree graduates.

Working while on an F-1, CPT or OPT visa allows you to acquire enough legitimate and relevant experience so that by the time you must transition to an full-fledged work visa (e.g. H-1B), you can make a case to be promoted and sponsored on the basis of the new, non-secretarial job.

My Story

I heard a lot of “landing your first job” stories in grad school, and a lot of them were some variation of “I quit my high-paying consulting job and moved to Los Angeles, and the first night I was there I went to a bar and just happened to meet an old friend who knew of an opening for the desk of a top executive in a top studio. The next day I interviewed and got the job.”

The thing about these “miracle” stories is that you can learn and apply very little from them. Getting a job in Hollywood is a game of chance that runs on top of a strong, uncompromising foundation of hard work, meticulous planning and relentless networking. Everyone’s path is different but the ultimate goal for a resident alien is to aggressively up the game of chance so you are employed as early as possible on the timeline.

For me, I decided the best route was to get a Masters degree, which gave me more time in the United States to find a job, and develop connections. I chose to attend the University of Southern California, in part because its Peter Stark Producing Program allowed me to start working full-time one whole year before graduation. After that, I worked for the same company on the 1-year OPT visa granted to me after I received my degree. That gave my company 2 years to decide whether or not I was worth promoting and sponsoring.

After 6 years, 2 Degrees and 2 Practical Training Visas in the United States, I finally held my passport with the words H-1B stamped in it. There on the streets of London, where I had travelled to interview for the visa, I felt for a moment the sense of stability that I had fought so hard for. And then as life would have it, 6 months later, I was (willingly and happily) transferred by my company to Sydney, Australia.

This is my story – but everyone’s path is different. Here are some things to consider before you become an international seeking work in Hollywood.

Six Questions Every Aspiring Alien Needs to Answer

1. How much do you want this? There isn’t much time to flirt casually with the idea. The Entertainment industry is one that demands commitment, and if you don’t love it, you shouldn’t be working in it because the low pay, the hours, the work and the stress won’t be worth it otherwise.

2. What about yourself gives you the best chance of getting the job you want? How strong is the case for your employability? What are the top qualities you have that differentiate you from other candidates? If you cannot convince yourself that you are worth the trouble, you won’t be able to convince your employers.

3. Do you have to start in America? Depending on your career goals and your country of residency, there are many more paths for someone already successful in a foreign country to enter the U.S. market when they are more developed in their career – just look at all the successful British, Canadian and Australian directors and actors out there. The same goes for executives in multinational entertainment conglomerates that end up getting internal transfers to the United States, qualifying for the L-1 visa.

4. Do you have enough time? Is your planned path actually practical and possible? If you don’t, how can you extend your stay, should you not get a job in time? Are there more degrees you can get to extend your time?

5. Who will be in this fight with you? Are you the only person who will fight for yourself? Is your family supportive of your aspirations? If you already have a job and are diving into the visa process, will your company stick with you through it all?

6. What is your back-up plan? Do you have a skill or qualification that could get you into a specific role in an entertainment company or related industry? Can you get another job with an H-1B visa (or eventually a green card) that will give you more time to pursue your dream job?

I will always be the first to admit that it’s not easy, it really isn’t. Like the best careers in the world, entertainment is one that requires you to give it your heart. If you truly love what you do, then all the piles of paperwork, lines at the embassy, calls with the lawyer and periods of uncertainty in your role or your status – all of that will be nothing compared to the joy and satisfaction of going to work every morning believing in what you do, loving the people you work with and most importantly, feeling like you belong.

So fight for what you love, and know that as hard as it may be, there is always – always – a way.

Featured image courtesy of Great Beyond on Flickr.

TCK for Teens: Your First Move

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In this “TCK for Teens” series, Denizen writer Courtney Runn focuses on helping teens through the many first-time experiences they have while navigating life abroad.

“Once there was a town named Pompeii.”

My mom read the familiar words and I snuggled deeper under the covers, my mind wandering to this ancient place that only existed in books. The historic tragedy fascinated and haunted me and I decided that someday, when I was all grown up, I would go. I would walk through the ruins of Pompeii, my feet stirring the dust of a world long gone.

Little did I know that I would be doing just that a few short years later. And it wouldn’t be quite as dreamy. It would be scorching hot, my dust-caked feet would ache, and we would join our fellow weary tourists at Burger King for lunch.

So how did I go from listening to a bedtime story in Texas to exploring an ancient city in southern Italy?

When I ten years old, my parents told my little brother and I that we were moving to Florence, Italy. The year before we moved was spent dreaming about living in Europe and reading book after book about the culture and customs of my new home.

That summer, my dad’s company sent us through cultural training and that was when I first heard the term “third culture kid.” That summer was when I first realized that it wouldn’t necessarily be a walk in the park to move across an ocean, but in my mind it still shimmered with adventure.

After living in Italy for five years and labeling myself a TCK for seven years, my view of moving has transformed. When picturing my adopted country, no longer do bright images of gelato, and of Carnivale, and of gondolas, dance in my head. My glowing optimism and thrill for a transatlantic adventure have been dimmed by the reality that moving to a different country is hard.

Moving to another country requires so much more than the 50 pounds the airport lets you bring. And whether you’re excited, terrified, or horrified at the prospect of moving, one thing is true: you have to pack your suitcase. So allow me to give you some packing advice. I’m no expert, but I’ve gone through this once or twice.

First, grab your tennis shoes. Living in a foreign culture is like running a marathon; it takes endurance and perseverance. At the beginning, you’ll feel a burst of energy, propelling you into your new life. But soon, you’ll slow down and the exhaustion of living in a new language, a new culture will settle in. Don’t lose hope though – keep running.

Next, choose that pair of heels hiding in the corner. The bright red ones with five inch heels. They make your feet ache and no one can ignore you in them, which is perfect. Adapting to the local culture is uncomfortable – don’t move overseas without expecting to modify your life. Always do your best to fit in culturally; rock those cherry red high heels.

Now dig through your closet until you find them: your favorite flats. The ones that slip on effortlessly and mold perfectly to your feet. They are well worn from lazy summer days spent with friends and crisp autumn walks with your dog. You see seem them and you smile. Your favorite flats. Because one day, you will feel like you again. You’ll have new friends for new adventures. You’ll have a new favorite route for walks. You’ll feel comfortable again.

Now that your shoes are ready, let’s move on to the clothes. Pull out the breezy blouses and the cropped pants and the white shorts. In your life overseas, there will be many happy, cheerful seasons where your cup will runneth over. When people come to visit, you will don your flats and proudly play tour-guide, cheerfully make introductions (in the local language, of course), and all but convince them to join you.

These seasons do not last forever, though. So put some long sleeves in there too. And throw in some cozy sweatpants and heavy scarves and an oversized jacket or two. You’ll need them for what I’ve heard described as the “mid-October blues.”

On Libby Stephens’ site devoted to cross-cultural transitions, she publishes a post on “Those Mid-October Blues.” In it the author writes: “By October, the adventure of the new was gone and the reality of not going back to the country I left had set in hard. I felt lonely, trapped, and a bit hopeless. This is the time of year when you not only have homesickness, but you have memory-sickness as well.”

These seasons are long, but, just like the happy times, they too will end. Even though your life may seem like a mess of confetti tossed in the wind, some things will remain the same, which brings us to the next thing that should be carefully placed inside your suitcase: your prized possessions.

What goes everywhere with you? What instantly comforts you when everyone else or everything else fades away? For me, it was our family dog. No matter what came my way throughout our time in Italy, my dog was one of the few things that never changed. You will crave consistency in your life, so pack those items with care.

Also, bring books. Bring maps and travel guides and novels that take place in your adopted country. Bring empty journals with sturdy covers that you can fill with adventures. You will learn so much when you move overseas. About yourself. About people. About the world. Be prepared to learn.

Finally, go to your bathroom to find your sturdiest brush. It takes patience to live overseas and effort to work out the tangles of living so far removed from your comfort zone. And don’t forget a fresh bar of soap and your favorite perfume because this is a chance for a fresh start, a time to make changes in your life and move forward.

Now you’re all packed and ready to go. Take a deep breath, print your tickets, and pick up your suitcase. Your first move awaits.

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Photos courtesy of Courtney Runn.

Featured photo courtesy of hellojenuine on Flickr.

Making the Most of Your TCK Experience When Applying for a Job

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It was my first job interview post-graduation. I walked in proud of my strong liberal arts education, my 3.9 GPA, my induction into my university’s honors society, my multiple college internships with reputable companies, and my four years of college work experience. I was sure I would wow them with my broad knowledge of humanities and my specialized knowledge of film. I sat down prepared for questions about my internship at National Geographic Films and my extensive research for my senior capstone project. Instead, my interviewer quickly scanned to the bottom of my resume and focused on the tiny footnote section I had entitled “Personal Experience.”

“Wow. You’ve lived in a lot of countries,” she said. “Which one was your favorite?”

I was never asked about my senior capstone project or how I had excelled at school. Instead, they were much more interested in how I had grown-up, how I relate to people, my favorite vacation spots in Asia, and how many languages I speak. I was asked about how my personal background informs who I am.

Companies look for employees who not only fit the job description, but also have life experience, strong communication skills, and an ability to adapt. Here are some unique characteristics that TCKs can highlight when applying and interviewing for a job.

A unique background attracts attention

The unique background of a TCK helps you stand out from other applicants. Kennedy Horton, a TCK who lived in the Middle East and Thailand, highlights the importance of a cross-cultural upbringing in his role as a financial analyst at FedEx Express. “My experience overseas came up often in interviews,” he said. “FedEx Express has a strong global presence and so I wanted to showcase my status as a TCK in order to show my ability to communicate cross-culturally and maintain a global perspective.”

Of course, each person’s story is different. Be sure to highlight how your background growing up in another country or countries has influenced your worldview and behavior.

Life experience is valuable in connecting with people in both work and social settings

Most TCKs have had the opportunity to travel the world, learn new languages and cultures, and be exposed to different worldviews in a way most of their monocultural peers have not. Growing up in this environment can make a TCK more comfortable engaging with a broad range of people.

“I think being a TCK has made me better able to get along with people of different generations and age groups,” said Elisabeth Lauesen, a TCK who grew up in the Middle East. “I’m not as used to simply sticking to people my own age, so am able to become friends more easily.”

Because TCKs have usually interacted with people from contexts very different from their own from a young age, they have learned how to find mutual interests and commonalities with others quickly.

“I have a greater breadth of cultural experience than most in my workplace,” Horton said. “I think this helps me connect more easily with people in conversation.”

Cross-cultural and multilingual communication skills are assets in the workplace

It’s easy to see how cross-cultural and multilingual communication expertise are beneficial to someone working in international business or with multinational companies, but what about other professions? In our increasingly globalized world, international experience is an asset to almost every profession. Victoria Wearden, an RN at a Southern California hospital, uses her background growing up in Central and Southeast Asia to give her patients more compassionate medical care.

“I feel that I am different from many of my coworkers because I am more in tune with the fact that our patients who are not originally American may have cultural health beliefs and practices that are different from ours,” she explained. “My patients have family practices which are part of their specific culture that are not valued in the same way in American culture.”

Appreciating a person’s cultural background, or even speaking in their mother language, makes that person feel respected and valued. TCKs are often very accomplished in multilingual and multicultural communications, a skill that is incredibly valuable in any workplace.

Being comfortable in new and unusual situations is increasingly valuable

TCKs’ ability to adapt to new situations is a highly valuable skill in the workplace.

“I have always been in situations where I have to learn new systems, ideas, traditions, and even terminology,” Wearden said. “This translates really well to my job because I am constantly being faced with new situations, protocol, and medical terminology. I keep an open mind about it all, absorb as much of it as possible, and try to master it as soon as I can.”

In our rapidly changing world, jobs are also evolving to new trends. According to Forbes.com, “flexibility” is one of the top four traits CEOs look for in employees.

Since that first post-college interview five years ago, I’ve had many more interviews with roughly the same encounter each time. I’ve stopped preparing speeches on my educational achievements and work experience, and instead focus on how my life experience makes me a great fit for the job. It’s not that potential employers don’t value my successes and work history, but I think it is easy for them see that I have similar job history as every other hardworking college graduate four to five years out of college. What helps me stand out from the other job applicants is my unique TCK background and life experience.

Homepage photo credit: photologue_mp on Flickr

From TCK to Expat: What Japan Taught Me

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It was 2011. It was a chilly day in March.

At first, I felt dizzy. And then, the window blinds started rattling.

More than 300 miles away, an earthquake and subsequent tsunami ravaged Northeastern Japan. Within a couple days, disaster spread to the Fukushima nuclear power plant, and countless foreigners hastily left Japan.

At this point, I was almost three months into my dream job. It was a long journey that started with me picking up my first Japanese rock album in high school, to me wanting to experience living and working in Japan.

I grew up in Bangkok, Thailand, and few years after college, I landed an expatriate manager position in an American-Japanese manufacturing joint venture located in the heart of Japan’s countryside, surrounded by beautiful mountains that reminded me of the Colorado Rockies. One would have to drive past all of the glitzy lights of Tokyo nearly 3 hours inland to reach this facility.

By the time the tsunami struck, it had already been much of an adventure up to this point getting acclimated to the new lifestyle and the language in rural Japan.

Being a true singleton without a surrounding expat community and church was a true test of self-reliance. After my first 8 weeks living there, I was just starting to develop my daily routines of where to buy groceries, where the good restaurants were, which gasoline station was convenient to go to, etc, even starting to plan my first true vacation as an expatriate resident in Japan, when everything came to a sudden stop on March 11, 2011.

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Photo courtesy of Raymond Diaz

The great 9.0 earthquake in northeastern Japan struck with vibrations reaching all the way south some 350 miles to my meeting room. After the subsequent tsunami ravaged Japan’s coastline, the ensuing nuclear meltdown at Fukushima and the seemingly out-of-control situation on part of the Japanese utility company, TEPCO, and the overseeing Japanese government, I went into a severe state of shock. My company evacuated me temporarily to Singapore until things had settled in Japan, but a lot of psychological damage was done. I become grotesquely exposed to Japan’s vulnerability in the aftermath of the earthquake.

Later events like aftershocks, North Korean missile launches, dealing with a flight diversion amidst a typhoon and a highway tunnel collapse were repeated stark reminders of Japan being on thin ice at moment’s notice. Whereas before I was very encouraged to travel throughout Japan to see its many wonders, I had mostly retreated to the confines of my apartment outside of work for the next several months, clinging to my Playstation and iTunes downloads, hopelessly in search of a secure bubble of comfort.

During this period, I hit several “bottoms” in my life, suffering from a lot of depression that would later translate into illness. It is not fun to get sick in a foreign country, let alone having to spend time at the hospital. I went from adventure-seeking to living in an environment more different than I expected to gasping desperately for security and stability. Only time and continued resilience were able to unravel the silver linings of these experiences and once my health improved, I was seeing the world a lot differently.

Japanese people have had to endure disasters like this one many times over. Japan’s environment itself is inherently prone to extreme weather and the Japanese have survived time and again by adapting. And, as I learned, I had my own adapting cut out for me so that I could also be successful during my time there.

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Photo courtesy of Raymond Diaz

Being a lone American in a small Japanese city isolated deep into its countryside means that you symbolize everything locals experience about America. From a professional standpoint, it also meant that I was the face of my company, too. Its actions would reflect upon me and vice-versa.

I learned some hard lessons in integrity when having to build credibility from zero as the face of my company, which meant having to swallow pride and admit mistakes when someone in my company, including me, contributed to an error in factory operations.

Living in a country that depends on an intensely organized and rule-driven society, I experienced the consequences with colleagues who had misguided feelings towards protecting the status quo and the general lack of people having the individual courage to challenge weaknesses in processes or customer service. Japan in so many ways was stifling to me, and I heard the phrase “that is impossible” more than I cared to.

During my time in Japan, I also learned the value of having a sense of belonging when not being near family, friends and church. I also was exposed to Japan’s penchant for volunteerism and community, especially during the aftermath of the tsunami. I learned that while many perceive Japanese as quiet and inscrutable, they are actually strong listeners. I also saw my pride as a liability, a burden unto my innate desires to produce results and live happily. I learned to adapt to what I saw as constraints for living in Japan, including the nauseating rules for throwing out your trash (which I would be ready to unleash hell if my trash pickup was rejected over a technicality).

Japan was a very humbling experience for me. Had I not come to Japan on an expatriate assignment, I may have never learned these values; or it may have taken me a very long time. Not only did the experience make me appreciate the abundance of choices, land, natural resources, individual identity in the United States, and the personal relationships I have with friends and family, but it also grew a better consensus builder, organizer, and team player in me.

Denizen featured on Al Jazeera’s “The Stream”

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I was lucky enough to be a guest on Al Jazeera English’s “The Stream” a few weeks ago, talking about DenizenMag.com. It was definitely a little scary being on live TV but still really, really fun to talk about something I’m so passionate about, and to see Third Culture Kids get some television coverage. Everyone who works on the show is great, as were all of the other guests (we actually kept chatting for a while after the show ended)!

What I ESPECIALLY loved was that they used Elaina Natario‘s DenizenMag.com illustration about TCKs, and that it was broadcast around the world! (See it at 9:05 in the video).

Anyway, here’s the video of the pre-show, show and post-show. Enjoy!

More information about this “Cultural Chameleons” episode. 

The Education that Textbooks Leave Out

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“What’s geography?” Vincent asked as he looked up from his journal assignment. It was the second week of school, and I glanced up from my attendance sheet to gauge the seriousness of the question. I assumed my ninth grader was joking.

“What?” I asked.

“What’s geography?” The blank look on his face told me he was dead serious. I looked at the board where I had posted a prompt asking students to write about the importance of geography.

“You know, geography,” I stammered. “Mountains, trees, rivers… what you see around you.”

Vincent stared back at me like I was speaking a different language.  In an instant, the confidence I had built up from four years of education studies evaporated.  I looked at the other faces of my ninth graders peering up at me, a strange woman who claimed that she had traveled the world before coming to small-town North Carolina.

They had no idea what I was talking about.

For the rest of the week, I mulled over the experience of that morning’s geography “lesson.” I thought back to my own education in Taiwan, and remembered memorizing the countries and capitals of the Middle East in seventh grade. Early on, I had become adept at pointing out where Taiwan was located so that I could help my American friends understand a little bit of my TCK background. Geography had always been such a natural part of my education, and yet my students didn’t know what it was.

 As I thought about that experience, though, I returned to the old adage that my education professors repeated over and over again: so many times, students teach their teachers more than teachers teach their students.

I had just learned lesson #1 from my students: being a TCK had afforded me with an invaluable education. While I had been taught by passionate and skilled teachers, the diversity of countries in which I lived, and necessity of skills to navigate a varied cultural experience made me ready for the world as an adult.

I tucked this lesson in the back of my mind.  A few weeks later, the day before the deadline of a major project, Jessica came to class early.

“Ms. Owen, I don’t want to present my project,” she said to me.

“Why not?” I asked.

“I don’t want to,” she said. “I’m not good at talking, and I don’t like the way other people respond.”

I’d seen it before in some of my other classes—so many of my students were scared to get up in front of their peers and share something that they had put time and effort into.

“I know you’re a talented young lady,” I told her. “Sometimes people aren’t going to understand us the way we want them to. You have something to say to the world, and I want you to be proud of that.”

She didn’t seem to buy it. As a TCK, seemingly everyone around me had pumped my classmates and me full of the conviction that we had something to say. We were young people who, in our comparatively short lifetimes, had done and seen more than the average suburban resident. They told us about our different perspective. They told us about the diversity of our experiences. And as a result, we believed that we were worth something. I did not know how much I had carried that conviction with me through college and into my career until I discovered my students did not have that belief.  Jessica had unknowingly held a mirror up to myself to teach me the second lesson I would learn from my students.

As the year continued, though, I recognized how this pride and confidence had, in turn, allowed for the development of other key skills. Because I knew that I had something to say to the world, I could more easily grasp the fact that other people might also have something to say. My mother made sure of this early on.

When we were young, we attended a religious service we had never seen before. My brothers and I sat on black vinyl chairs, swinging our legs, looking around for a clock. When we looked up at the action taking place in the service, we saw people falling down on the ground, momentarily lost to the world. The word “stupid” must have slipped from one of our mouths, because the next thing I knew, mom was whispering fiercely from behind us that being different did not make something stupid.

That stuck with me. And with that understanding came a realization that not everyone was going to always see everything the same way as me. It in no way minimized my perspective, but reinforced that other people’s opinions held just as much bearing as my own.

So when I asked my ninth graders to consider both the pros and cons of a Medieval leader converting to Christianity, I realized again how fortunate I had been. As I posed the question, I immediately received an emphatic response: “Convert to Christianity!”

“Why, Daniel?” I asked. “How will it help you as a leader?”

“Because Christianity is right!”

I smiled at his unwavering devotion to his Southern heritage, but hoped that one day I could show them the value of understanding alternate perspectives.

Watching my students every day often makes me smile, as they seek to build skills and understand what Olaudah Equiano intended in his autobiography.  Sometimes, though, my smiles turn to bewilderment as I see my students come a problem in learning and halt. Not stumble and keep going, but come to a full and complete stop.

“Why didn’t you come after school yesterday?” I asked Fred when he didn’t return to my classroom after discovering the library was closed.

“I forgot my flash drive,” he told me.

I smiled, encouraging him to some the next Tuesday so we could work on another part of the project.  From “I don’t have a pencil” to “I don’t have a computer,” my students’ problems often seem insurmountable to them. Being a TCK had thrown a number of problems at me, but whatever form that problem took, I made it disappear as quickly as possible. When I stood alone in an airport flying by myself as a teen, I made sure I got to my gate.  When I couldn’t understand the Chinese on a piece of mail I’d received, I made sure to track down someone who did.  Watching my students showed me how much I wanted to teach them that their problems were worth solving themselves.

From having confidence in my voice to understanding that diverse perspectives are important, every day when I go to school, I hear my students telling me how blessed I am to have had a TCK upbringing. Unfortunately, the reality is that many of my students will probably never leave the state of North Carolina to be able to experience the diverse education that I received—which means that I have the responsibility of teaching beyond the textbook. One March day as we delved into the journeys of explorers discovering the New World, my student Timothy spoke up.

“How can you discover a new land if there were already people living there?” he asked, referring to Christopher Columbus and Native Americans.

As I threw the question back to the rest of my students, I realized that one of my greatest hopes for my students was becoming a reality. As they spoke, they carefully considered the importance of different perspective in defining history. The weeks I had spent walking them through the different backgrounds of historical figures were finally paying off.

The lessons my students have taught me have shaped how I teach them.  When my students walk out of my classroom this month, I could care less whether or not they have memorized the presidents of the United States (although, that would be nice). My hope is that through the pictures I show of Taiwan, Thailand, and Rome, through the skills we use, through the diverse perspectives we share and the community we build, my students will have the skills that I was given through my TCK background, and with those skills be able to navigate the world.

Featured image courtesy of bluesquarething on Flickr.